Annoyed with myself

Start..stop...start...stop...

That's what I keep doing when I sit down to write. What is my issue? What- just because I'm not into the mommy shenanigans as much I feel like I can't blog anymore? As if my thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of a psych degree aren't worthy of being heard? My emotional roller coaster ride needs to let me off now, please and thank you.

Depression...kindly go back into your hole!

Panic attacks....do us all a favor and stay away...far, far away...

Oh and this bipolar disorder business, you can go suck it!

There! I feel somewhat better having gotten that off of my chest or shoulders, whichever you prefer. Aside from the craziness that resides in my brain, my life is good, really, really good. I have love, how many people can raise their hand and jump up and down for that? **Ohhh me, me, me!! I can! I can! I can! insert jumping up and down**

Recently had a discussion about love with my love (that's lots of love in that sentence), he stated that love isn't always enough when it comes to the rest of the world, for us it is, but as he mildly puts it..it doesn't pay the bills. If everyone had love, real true love, bot pseudo/crazy unrealistic expectations type love, then it is my belief that the world would be a much better place, people would ultimately be happier and thus would be more productive. Now, I could be wrong about that, but it just seems that when people are really truly happy abundance seems to follow.

There is a flip-side to that though, the criminals that steal seem to have abundance and no happiness. Money doesn't equate happiness, nor does love equate to money, they are two totally separate things. Maybe I'm looking at it from a state of mind perspective. But then again just thinking in a positive manner doesn't always equate money to pay bills either. So, how do I or you, reconcile between the two? Can you have both or is it one over the other?

Can love be enough? The forever optimist inside me says yes! Love is always enough and it's what life is about and what connects us all. So, with that thought free floating, I will stop being annoyed with myself, commit to writing more than once every two months, and go spend the rest of this day with my one true love.

Addressing The Why's

How did I get here in front of you?

In 2008 I experienced a profound loss that changed my life forever- I lost my mother to suicide. The days that followed her death were shrouded in a darkness that I thought would never end. If it had not been for my children, friends, and family I may have been tempted to join her. After the fog of despair lifted I began to see a bit more clearly, I joined a few suicide support groups and found solace in online chat rooms full of survivors like myself. At the two month mark I made a decision to go back to school- my major? Psychology, of course. My family history is ripe with all kinds of psychological dysfunctions- addiction, suicide, bipolar disorder, depression, etc.. If it's in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders), chances are it's somewhere in my family tree. I could give all the gory details, but I've decided-not yet.

So, after all the stuff I've lived through, naturally I question- why? Why did I live through it? Why did I find strength to overcome odds? Why do I do the things I do? Why do other's do what they do? The truth is everyone's answer is different. Everyone, myself included, is motivated to behave or think, by different factors. Some of us are motivated intrinsically, we have something on the inside that keeps us moving. Other's are motivated extrinsically, outside forces keep those moving forward, i.e. money, career, peers. What I'm learning about these questions is that the answers to them are not a one-size-fits-all, but there are a few commonalities. Generally speaking, a good portion of people are at some point in their lives, motivated by love and/or fear.

Which one is more dominant? And why?

Here is some food for thought...From Meg Selig author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success, "According to a large-scale health survey done by the Edelman agency, parental love motivated 25% of respondents to change health habits.

A group of researchers led by Arthur Aron examined the parts of the brainactivated by romantic love. They found that romantic love is associated with reward and goal-seeking regions of our gray matter. Their conclusion: "...rather than being a specific emotion, romantic love is better characterized as a motivation or goal-oriented state that leads to various specific emotions such as euphoria or anxiety." Yes indeed, love is a motivator."

Based on this tid bit of information, we can see a little bit of how love can motivate someone. So let's see how fear does.

These statistics are related to those who worry/are fearful and what they're most afraid of, it also was taken from a website that is trying to sell identity theft protection. But again an example of fear based motivation.

What a huge difference between how love or chance of it can motivate and how fear can motivate.

So again, I ask- what are your thoughts on dominance- love or fear?