Addressing The Why's

How did I get here in front of you?

In 2008 I experienced a profound loss that changed my life forever- I lost my mother to suicide. The days that followed her death were shrouded in a darkness that I thought would never end. If it had not been for my children, friends, and family I may have been tempted to join her. After the fog of despair lifted I began to see a bit more clearly, I joined a few suicide support groups and found solace in online chat rooms full of survivors like myself. At the two month mark I made a decision to go back to school- my major? Psychology, of course. My family history is ripe with all kinds of psychological dysfunctions- addiction, suicide, bipolar disorder, depression, etc.. If it's in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders), chances are it's somewhere in my family tree. I could give all the gory details, but I've decided-not yet.

So, after all the stuff I've lived through, naturally I question- why? Why did I live through it? Why did I find strength to overcome odds? Why do I do the things I do? Why do other's do what they do? The truth is everyone's answer is different. Everyone, myself included, is motivated to behave or think, by different factors. Some of us are motivated intrinsically, we have something on the inside that keeps us moving. Other's are motivated extrinsically, outside forces keep those moving forward, i.e. money, career, peers. What I'm learning about these questions is that the answers to them are not a one-size-fits-all, but there are a few commonalities. Generally speaking, a good portion of people are at some point in their lives, motivated by love and/or fear.

Which one is more dominant? And why?

Here is some food for thought...From Meg Selig author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success, "According to a large-scale health survey done by the Edelman agency, parental love motivated 25% of respondents to change health habits.

A group of researchers led by Arthur Aron examined the parts of the brainactivated by romantic love. They found that romantic love is associated with reward and goal-seeking regions of our gray matter. Their conclusion: "...rather than being a specific emotion, romantic love is better characterized as a motivation or goal-oriented state that leads to various specific emotions such as euphoria or anxiety." Yes indeed, love is a motivator."

Based on this tid bit of information, we can see a little bit of how love can motivate someone. So let's see how fear does.

These statistics are related to those who worry/are fearful and what they're most afraid of, it also was taken from a website that is trying to sell identity theft protection. But again an example of fear based motivation.

What a huge difference between how love or chance of it can motivate and how fear can motivate.

So again, I ask- what are your thoughts on dominance- love or fear?