Erikson's Theory- My life stage (an academic paper from 2010)

Erikson’s Life Stages

The eight life stages that Erikson has theorized are stages that build upon one another, starting with infancy and ending in the death of one’s life. Erikson’s theory was influenced by Freud; however, where Freud’s theory was psychosexual, Erikson’s theory is psychosocial. The psychosocial stage I am currently in is stage seven, the generativity versus stagnation or self-absorption; this stage asks the question of “how can I fashion gift” (McAdams, 2006). Fashioning a gift refers to the question of what do I want to leave behind as a legacy so to speak. This stage typically occurs during middle adulthood; I am currently 31 years of age.

I believe that I am at this stage because as of late I have begun to ask myself the very question of what do I want to be remembered for? I am a mother and I am teaching my children new things everyday intentionally, such as potty training my son, and unintentionally, such as expressing anger in front of my children over trivial things like inconsiderate drivers. Erikson’s life stage of generativity has seven features which are as follows; cultural demand- developmental expectations and societal opportunities; inner desire-symbolic immortality and the need to be needed; concern for the next generation; belief in humanity; commitment- goals and decisions; action- creating, maintaining, and offering; finally, narration- the generativity script within the life story (McAdams, 206).

Of these seven features I believe that I am expressing my inner desire, as well as, concern for the next generation. Because I have begun to shift my focus to more the helper inside of me and constantly have the feeling of wanting to live forever my children, I am also active within my community in terms of volunteering for charity. I think that the change in my perspective came when I moved to a new state where I knew no one and was forced to break out of my shell. The environment and community of people in this city helped break me out of the stagnation that I had been in while living in Arizona. Sometimes a drastic change is needed to pull a person, such as myself, out of a rut.

The change I have spoken of has also taken place within one of my very close friends of the last 25 years. While she is also in her 30’s she is currently in the sixth stage which is intimacy versus isolation. She has been in this stage for quite sometime, always asking the question “how can I love” (McAdams, 2006). She has been consciously seeking the answer to this question for as long as I have known her. After her divorce and her move from Nevada to Virginia, she began to realize the importance of establishing her identity before finding the way to love. Erikson’s sixth stage also has four intimacy statuses; intimate, preintimate, stereotyped, and isolate. She is currently in a truly intimate relationship with a man who has helped her learn how to trust once again.

The main idea of Erikson’s stages is also to show polarization in people and how to balance the two extremes, whether it’s intimacy versus isolation or generativity versus self-absorption. In order to progress successfully through the stages the balance must be found, which entails determining the question and then finding the answer. I learned through teaching my children that the gift of knowledge and love will ensure my immortality, does this mean I am ready to move to the final stage? No. I still have much more to learn, much more to teach, and more good to do in the world.

References

McAdams, D. (2006). The person: A new introduction to personality psychology. (4th ed.). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.

This Day

Three years ago I traveled to Las Vegas, NV from Tucson, AZ to attend my cousins wedding...not knowing that it would also be the last time I would see my mother alive.

This day still haunts me because of how I felt when I saw her for the brief 15-20 minutes. So much pain still surrounds me that it's almost unbearable. I had no idea she would be gone exactly 2 weeks later.

How I wish she was still here and how I wish I would have taken more time with her on that trip, instead I held on to the anger and resentment and allowed it to rob me of time. I swore I would not live life with regrets but this one just won't let go.

August is a hard month for me, it reminds me that PTSD is still alive and well within me and doing this without being medicated is one of the most challenging experiences of my life. I am grateful that I have good in my life because it allows me to switch my focus from the pain that threatens my every thought or move.

Even though I know psychologically what's wrong and the tools to change it, somehow they allude me when I need them the most. I can tell myself that it's okay, that the grieving process doesn't just stop after a certain amount of time, that what I'm feeling is "normal" (whatever that is!), and that this too shall pass in time. Time heals all wounds, right?

The lesson from this day is not to let yourself be robbed of time with someone you love even if you're angry, ask yourself if the anger is worth it just to protect yourself? Ask yourself why are you really angry and can you forgive? That's the tricky part about anger, you feel wronged because of something someone else has done, you want retribution or an apology, or some sort of acknowledgment that the other person knows they were wrong, but what if they don't give that to you? It doesn't mean you have to forget, but find a way to forgive them or yourself so that you can move on.

I'm still learning how to do that, but it is one of the most valuable lessons that life will ever teach. And it is possible to do, you just have to want too. Sounds pretty simple right? It's not, it's hard and it takes work and practice and patience, but it can be done because even though I'm still learning I've also experienced it. Every experience is different and takes just as much time to get through as the last, sometimes longer, but in the end it's worth it.

So here's to a little more time, a little more patience, and holding onto the good to get through the rough spots in this game full of lessons called Life.

Lemons Anyone?

When life gives you lemons...don't make lemonade..THROW THEM AT SOMEONE! At least that's my motto.

I have recently discovered that my school is in jeopardy because it is a for profit school and the EDMC who owns them is currently being sued for fraudulent behavior...i.e.. stealing 11 BILLION DOLLARS over the last 8 years in financial aid from students who had NO BUSINESS being at any of these schools, but were duped into going with false hopes and promises of a better job, better life..blah..blah..blah..

So naturally I am angry and sad because I have been duped myself. Duped into thinking that I could somehow get a quality education in an online environment, from a for profit school. I was wrong. Not the first time I've been wrong and won't be the last I'm sure. However, I still have hope because I am going to re-apply to Penn State and try again in the Spring of 2012. It may take me longer than I expected but not by much if I go to summer school too. I am highly motivated to graduate asap. Only one person knows why really..ehhem (his initials are BFJ) :).

So, for now my school days are on hold; however, my education is not, because I continue to learn everyday whether it's a life lesson or something Ben is teaching me such as art, music, philosophy, or how to see and count.

Yes, that's right- he's teaching me how to truly see and it's amazing. When you can even just glimpse the world through the eyes of an artist, you are never ever the same. For this reason I constantly say that I am the luckiest woman on Earth.